pedestrian saga

Certain simple activities have come to reveal magical stress-alleviating properties. Sometimes, in the throes of a crisis, I forget they exist as possibilities, and then eventually I remember, and then I’m like, duh! How could I forget that this helps? So I’ve compiled a little stress relief questionnaire to self-administer, or a sort of troubleshooting guide for anyone who might catch me mid-crisis. In case of blues outbreak/panic attack/temper flare, break glass:

• Did you stretch and whip up a sun salutation in recent days?
• Have you stepped outside to breathe fresh air and daylight in the last 24 hours?
• Has your bike seat post slipped again, and have you readjusted it? Inflate the tires while you’re at it. (Amazing what a little basic maintenance can do to lighten the commute.)
• Have you watched The Daily Show or The Colbert Report recently?
• When was the last time you played This American Life on the iPod and went for a long walk with the dogs?
• Got greens?
• Have you been opting for tea instead of coffee/beer/wine more often than not?
• Have you been getting eight hours of sleep a day? When was the last time you went down for a nap?
• How about taking The Clash or Sleater-Kinney for a jog?
• Read any good books with Gordon lately?
• When was the last time you had an honest conversation with someone?
• Called your sister recently?
• When was the last time you wholeheartedly hugged a dog or a human being?
• Have you tried that mantra of yours? Don’t forget about that. It’s a good mantra.
• When was the last time you kicked somebody’s ass at Ping-Pong?

All of the above remedies cost practically nothing. Some capital, sure. And my dogs do levy two cups of kibble a day for the privilege of hugging, walking, and reading with them. Small price to pay.

What do you do to regain balance?

xkcd has developed some nifty tables for converting to metric. Finally, an easy-to-remember formula! Should prove handy for interpreting my bike odometer with greater oomph. And you know, ever since absorbing those first episodes in the company of several brilliant PhDs, I’ve never doubted the intrinsic educational value of Firefly.

Whoo-hoo! The odometer ticked past 2,500 miles yesterday. I started counting in April 2007. That’s an average of 125 miles (over 200 km) per month, over 30 miles (almost 50 km) per week. Some other stats:

• CO2 emissions avoided – 2,450 lbs (1,111 kg)
• Calories burned – 122,500

Burn carbohydrates
Not hydrocarbons
Huzzah!

Why wait for September to roll around again? Year-round bike commuting glory can be yours, too.

It’s a new year, and I have plenty of half-baked resolutions related to career development, interpersonal skills, citizenship, and self-care. Fully formed, however, is an unrelenting, unrepenting lust for an iPod Touch, which is essentially an iPhone without the phone. No way do I want an iPhone, but I’m not sure I can live much longer without an iPod Touch.

Instead of marching forthwith to my neighborhood Apple dealer and melting the plastic for instant gratification, I’m declaring the iPod Touch the Great Carrot of early 2009. The thought being, my desire for the juicy little device is overwhelming enough to inspire certain feats in a relatively short period of time (say, before February 25, when I would be poised to give up not having an iPod Touch during Lent!) These projects being, specifically:

• Find a good home for supplanted Apple devices

If I’m going to succumb to technolust, best be organized about it and not allow older models to pile up. (Ask me about the Dell Inspiron rotting in my garage and wait for the cringe.) Isobel must be sold and Jóga decommissioned and prepped for the auction block before the prize is mine.

• Finish application for the UW MLIS program

Ever get so excited about a promising opportunity you nearly choke? No, you don’t get that? Okay, well, I have this irrational little thing going, a fear of rejection or failure that causes me to seize up whenever I try to speak or write coherently about my burning desire to become a librarian or information professional. Yes, I need to deal with it, but first just write the damn essays and win an iPod Touch.

• Apply for scholarships and financial aid

To fund MLIS endeavor. And this means doing the income taxes. Uffa!

• Proofread latest Bedbug Press manuscript for Mr. Bedbug
  

• Finish writing holiday greetings

To my peeps, many of whom never received a card for 2007-08 or were no doubt surprised by one in July or August. Or October.

Finally, most challenging of all, even more daunting than graduate school applications or the FAFSA…

• Crack my knuckles not a once between now and Mardi Gras

It’s a disgusting habit and a mindless addiction, and this is a huge test of self-discipline and impulse control. So, if you see me rubbing or stretching or twiddling my fingers, making yogic hand gestures in the middle of the day, or feverishly reciting the ASL alphabet, rest assured I’m only training to lay my greasy mitts on that 3.5-inch widescreen Multi-Touch display.

Taunts along the lines of “you’ll never make it” or free-throw-line banter like “don’t choke” are sure to activate a productive defiance and are, therefore, quite welcome. I won’t turn away gentle encouragement either. Oh, and anyone have an opinion about which iPod Touch blog I should follow? (In my spare time, of course.) Gossip and recommendations regarding features, apps, news, etc. also welcome.

PS Scott started it!