Archive for January 2005

I would like to thank the Academy…

Sunday, January 30th, 2005

[Caveat lector: This post contains dangerously high levels of sap. Now if only I could tap all this sap and boil it into some fine maple syrup. Mmm, maple syrup...]

Ah, yes, it’s Oscar season again, a fact I might have easily overlooked if it weren’t for the infectious enthusiasm and prolific musings of the great Dennis, TV text guru and cinephile par excellence. The Oscars are not the point of my post, however. Instead I intend to deliver a long overdue thank-you to all the impossibly wonderful people whose splendid company completed my 2004 in a manner quite complementary to its singularly marvelous beginning. January has nearly passed, and it’s about time I let gush these pent-up Frank Capra/Chuck Dickens sentiments! It was Dennis’s eloquent thanksgiving, I might add, that was one of several beautiful missives to move me to sloppy tears in late November and so prime my emotions for the winter holidays. (more…)

Posted in General | 3 Comments »

How To Reverse a Refrigerator’s Cooling Qualities in Three Easy Steps

Wednesday, January 26th, 2005

1. Place leftovers in heavy plastic insulated lunch bag and position on top shelf of refrigerator. Make sure bag is pressed firmly against the appliance’s lightbulb unit.

2. Allow lightbulb unit to cook hole through the plastic all morning.

3. Remove bag at lunchtime and, voil ! Your sandwich and salad will be toasted, and your silverware will be hot to the touch!

Posted in General | 3 Comments »

Hey, little sister, what have you done?

Tuesday, January 25th, 2005

She made my day, that’s what! She recommended this week’s top story from the Onion** to me with the comment: "So this made me think of you watching Labyrinth as a child and being slightly traumatized by David Bowie’s package in spandex…" I almost busted a rib when I opened her e-mail this evening! I’d forgotten that I’d confessed to her how Bowie’s bulge, er, stands out among my childhood memories…

Slightly traumatized? Let’s face it, folks. This is a Muppet movie about a girl’s loss of sexual innocence! Consider the timing of the film’s release. Let’s see, I probably saw it on HBO around about 1987 when I was an 11-year-old drama queen growing up Methodist in small-town Middle America, going through a puffed-sleeves phase, and struggling to cope with my parents’ divorce. "Sarah" with all her big sister/stepdaughter poutiness and fantastical escapism was ME. And we were so confused, torn between the innocent playfulness of those wacky Muppets and the dangerous allure of Jareth the Goblin King and his masquerade, ehm, ball–Oh-my-but-WHAT-is-WITH-that-big-lump-in-his-pants?!?!

So, while the Onion has spotlighted this country’s veritable epidemic of pediatric NNBD (Nearly Naked Breast Disorder), I’ve decided to start my own support group for women suffering from BBPT (Bowie’s Bulge Prepubertal Trauma). Ladies? (’Fraid you hetero males just don’t get it.)

**"U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially Exposed Breast On TV," referring, of course, to last year’s Super Bowl halftime wardrobe malfunction.

Posted in Cine-mania, Guilty Pleasures | 6 Comments »

Gordon Is Entirely Surrounded By Water

Sunday, January 9th, 2005

This weekend was very Christopher Robin flooded in the Hundred Acre Wood with Piglet and Tigger… at least until a little while ago when an especially wild wind blew through my living room and– Abunai! It’s Gordzilla vs. Madthra! Jolly good fun, but where’s a camera crew when you need one? For “it wasn’t very much good having anything exciting like floods [or epic clashes of canine monsters] if you couldn’t share them with somebody.” cavecanem

Posted in cave canem | 4 Comments »