Archive for November, 2004

Minor Maddy Miracle

Saturday, November 20th, 2004

This morning I flaked and left Maddy’s crate door open. She was left free to roam the entire apartment unsupervised for six hours straight. I had been enjoying my third generally very good day in a row, but my spirits sank as I reported home for a late lunch and she greeted me enthusiastically at the front door. I let out a moan and cringed in anticipation of the disasters awaiting inside– puddles of pee trickling into furniture legs or soaking into rugs and upholstery, disemboweled pillows, shattered glass, shredded underwear, gnawed linoleum, upturned trash cans, chewed remote controls, shoes, electrical wires, books and CDs…

But she had left everything intact! She’d even held her pee. I was so disbelieving I spent 10 minutes crawling around, squinting, sniffing and feeling about for what I thought to be the inevitable puddle.

So I rewarded her with a vigorous session of wrestling, fetching and dancing, vowed not to press my luck and to latch the crate next time, and resolved to approach our first training class together Monday with optimism instead of anxiety.

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Meet Miss Maddy

Monday, November 15th, 2004

I’d like to officially introduce Miss Madeleine Ferguson whose graceful insanity completes my Brat Pack. Maddy’s companionship fulfills a psychological (a little psycho, not very logical) need deeply rooted in my childhood full of dogs, when Mum and Dad also taught runty little me that good things come in small packages. In this case, good things come in a compact, outrageously furry and slightly maniacal package. Thanks to Sylva (who helped get Maddy off the mean streets of downtown L.A.) and Auntie Em for the photos.

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Top 10 Ways I’m a Masochist

Sunday, November 14th, 2004

10. Two words (one a hyphenated compound, I’ve decided): bleeding-heart liberal.

9. Peace-loving, tree-hugging, bleeding-heart liberal living under the rule of Bush II.

8. Weakness for rescue dogs: Adopted an obese Boston Terrier who, once slimmed down, it was revealed put the "boss" in Boston and the "terror" in Terrier.

7. Weakness for rescue dogs, take two: Went all mushy for the street orphan "puppy needs home" ad posted in the office break room and wound up with this adorable, wicked ball of fluff who takes me and Gordon for walks. Is it possible to develop tennis elbow from regular leash-walking?

6. Passionate about public transportation and other alternatives to the automobile and live in Los Angeles.

5. Love cool, rainy days and live in Los Angeles.

4. Regularly engage in self-sabotage by procrastination and mental trash talk.

3. Nasty cuticle-chewing and knuckle-cracking habits that I’m only recently beginning to kick.

2. Extremely and undeniably attracted to James Spader in his creepy, sadistic roles in Secretary and sex, lies, and videotape.

1. Stay up way past bedtime to write silly blog entries and suffer drowsily next day at work.

Oh, sure, there are some other, very significant ways, but as Bjork sings, "This time / I’m gonna keep me all to myself."

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So Much For My Efforts To Start Today On A Positive Note

Friday, November 5th, 2004

News like this is so bad I wish the Onion had made it up. At least then I could maybe laugh about it. To me it’s profoundly symbolic of the evil direction our country has taken, to use one of G.W.B.’s favorite words.

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Election Miscellany, Anxiety and Insomnia

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004

Tomorrow is going to be a very long day. If I knew what was good for me, I’d be calling it a night, oh, about two hours ago! Yet instead I feel the need to prattle about the following election miscellany recently encountered, each in its own way helping to remedy my bad case of election FLu (Fear and Loathing).

My aunt (who’s down with an even worse case than I!) forwarded me this recipe for disaster that Leaves a Bitter Taste. It appealed to my Midwestern sensibilities and seemed to explain some actual indigestion I’ve been experiencing.

Before that I enjoyed the video for Eminem’s new anti-Bush song "Mosh" on several levels. (Salon– who else?– tipped me off.) It appealed to my blossoming inner animation buff, to that Rock the Vote past self who so enthusiastically voted Clinton for president as soon as she was legal, and to the somewhat jaded and disheartened liberal who currently haunts these information highways. (Also brought back fond memories of the exquisite Whitey Rappers double feature I enjoyed one evening in West Los Angeles a few years ago: Eminem’s 8 Mile on opening night followed by the midnight show at the Nuart of Vanilla Ice’s ultra-campfest Cool As Ice– so bad it’s good!)

And before Eminem I had a moment of catharsis giggling my way through this admirably well-crafted and delightfully bawdy article on the intersection of sex and voting.

So I guess it’s "carry on, give me hope, give me strength"… and good night till tomorrow.

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